Thursday, March 6, 2014

The Cicadas

Their prickly legs are like blackberry.
Its back is like a striped shirt.
His croaking yell breaks the silence.
Their eyes roll like little ball bearings.


Mahana Seniors said...

go josh

Jane Bosecke said...

Hey Josh

I enjoyed the images your poem inspired. Remember how we are activating the nouns by putting a WOW word straight after a noun? So your first sentence, the noun is 'legs'. Could you arrange it differently? eg. "Their legs prickle like blackberry"

Their eyes... Instead of writing 'are like', what are the eyes doing? It could become, "Their eyes ______ like little black ball bearings". That's a great image.

Please check the spelling of those sneaky homonyms: brakes, there, silents

Overall, this is a neat poem - I was picturing it as I read it. Ka pai!