Thursday, March 6, 2014

Ella's Poems

 Candyfloss spirals around the stick like cloud fluff.
The Ferris wheel rises up into the light blue sky.
Sun shines Down on me and burns my shoulders.
The Ice-block drips down my fingers as I cautiously lick the juice.
_______________________________________________________

The Sea dances off the big, rugged rocks.
 Sun hides behind the clouds like they're playing "hide and seek"
Tide leaves shore-lines where it has been.
The Wind blows the sand up my legs.
_______________________________________________________

The Tree stands in the dirt watching over the garden.
 Clouds sway and move in the bright, blue sky.
 Grass Waves at me as it shivers in the breeze.
The Tussocks dance as the wind whistles a tune.





4 comments:

Jane Bosecke said...

Hi Ella. Consider removing some of the 'The's at the start of each line. You have used some interesting WOW words to activate your nouns. Having the waves 'dance' creates a cool picture in my mind.

Check your work again so that you don't have odd capital letters in the middle of your work.

I particularly enjoyed your top poem. All the images linked together well. I could almost smell the candyfloss and hear the sounds of the carnival.

Jane Bosecke said...

Hi Ella. Consider removing some of the 'The's at the start of each line. You have used some interesting WOW words to activate your nouns. Having the waves 'dance' creates a cool picture in my mind.

Check your work again so that you don't have odd capital letters in the middle of your work.

I particularly enjoyed your top poem. All the images linked together well. I could almost smell the candyfloss and hear the sounds of the carnival.

Mahana Kotuku said...

nice ella-pip

Anonymous said...

These are really cool Elz. I think you are doing a great job with these and i feel like I can imagine your 'scene' so well. Tussocks dance as the wind whistles a tune - that's my fav bit.
You rock,
Love Mum