Thursday, March 6, 2014

Nature

Clouds layer the sky like a thick white blanket
Leaves sway on the branches that sway and creak
Bugs crawl over the compact ground
The sun stammers over the mountains reaching the other side

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

love it awsome

Anonymous said...

Hey Tiarne

Loved your opening line. Loved it.

Be wary of using the same word in a poem - sway and sway.

What sort of picture does the word 'stammer' create to you? In my mind, I think of stuttering and stammering and that's really not smooth at all. Is that the picture you want to convey to your readers? Does the sun move jerkily or smoothly?

So important to choose your WOW words carefully.

You're getting the hang of it Tiarne. Keep it up!