Kia ora. We are a bunch of Year 6, 7 and 8 kids at Mahana School, and we're looking forward to sharing our work on this blog.
Please leave us some comments!
The sun pounds down on the lake. water silently attacks the sand. The volcano sleeps in dormant stage. pumice plays in the waves. The wind howls like a banshee.
The sun pounds down on the lake. The water silently attacks the sand. The volcano sleeps in doorment stage. The pumice plays in the waves. The wind howls like a banshee.
Hi Athena
I've spent some time at Lake Taupo too and as I read your poem, I was taken back to a recent visit there when the wind was blowing fiercely cutting through to my skin. No swim for us that day!
What would happen if you removed 'The' at the beginning of each line? It may add impact to your poem. Is the water silent as it attacks the sand?
Are you happy with the WOW words you've used to activate the nouns. Does it really reflect the image you're trying to portray?
3 comments:
awsome luv it
The sun pounds down on the lake.
The water silently attacks the sand.
The volcano sleeps in doorment stage.
The pumice plays in the waves.
The wind howls like a banshee.
Hi Athena
I've spent some time at Lake Taupo too and as I read your poem, I was taken back to a recent visit there when the wind was blowing fiercely cutting through to my skin. No swim for us that day!
What would happen if you removed 'The' at the beginning of each line? It may add impact to your poem. Is the water silent as it attacks the sand?
Are you happy with the WOW words you've used to activate the nouns. Does it really reflect the image you're trying to portray?
Check spelling for 'doorment'.
Loveing IT Athena
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